{TS.A.H.M.} 17 Weeks, 5 Days

17 wks, 5 days

I may be fairly small yet but there are days that I feel like I'm stretched to the rim and can't go any further. That's not a good sign seeing as I'm not quite half way yet.

I haven't been too hungry lately but I've felt really snacky. I cannot stress enough that this pregnancy has been WEIRD. Completely different than the girls. 

I woke up with leg cramps again this morning. HUGE knots in my left leg. I stretch in my sleep and pull the muscle and I try and massage through the excruciating pain that I'm feeling for two minutes (literally) and it is one of the worst pains I've ever felt. I never had them with E but I had them A LOT with S. I haven't had them a lot this pregnancy (knock on wood) but I've had them enough for a lifetime already.

It rained all day today so I took the girls for a walk to the store earlier this morning and we stayed inside the rest of the day. The girls played, they had their computer and iPad time, and then we decided to have a movie night. We watched two movies and I told them it was bedtime. They're literally camping under the bottom bunk as we speak (for the last 40 minutes) watching something on the iPad. They have both been bugging me since summer started to have the iPad in bed one night and I've said "no" every night since. Tonight, I thought what the hell? S was already yawning when I said goodnight to the girls so I can't see her lasting much longer.

P is on his way home from a super long day. He left at 5:00 am this morning and he'll be back close to 11:00 pm tonight. He has his favourite meal waiting for him so I think that's what is keeping him going at this point, haha!

I think I'm going to sit down and relax before he gets home, now that the girls are quiet and in bed.

Goodnight xx

{TS.A.H.M} Nature Walk + Arts and Crafts

I took the girls on a little nature walk this afternoon. I gave them all pencils and a pad of paper each and I said we were going to draw things that we see on our walk. Once we hit the pathway, the girls saw flowers they wanted to draw. During the walk, I reminded them to look at the little things that are harder to see like an ant or a bee. They saw a family of bees on the flowers so they decided to draw that too.

They ended up seeing dog poop on the ground and the three of them decided that they wanted to draw that too. I told them that it was gross and they laughed and they drew it anyway. haha

While we were walking, I also saw huge tires in someone's backyard, so I pointed that out to them and they wanted to draw those as well.

Once we got home they coloured their pictures and decided that they wanted to do some arts + crafts today, so I pulled the paint and construction paper out and they painted their masterpieces. 

{TS.A.H.M.} Meltdowns + Schedules | Personal Post

Since planning to have Peanut (March 2017) I've had to stop my anxiety meds (I think I've mentioned that in a previous post). I've been holding it together pretty well and this pregnancy has been the calmest out of the four others I've had.

Yesterday, I had a meltdown. A first in a little while so I'd say I'm doing well. Between pregnancy hormones, P's new job, the girls being home for the summer and small issues that are becoming bigger issues, I was just overloaded with emotions yesterday. I spent the evening crying on and off and I just needed to be alone and hugged all at once.

I finally got the girls in bed and I was emotionally drained. And of course, the typical night started with S being emotional and trying to use every excuse why she didn't want to be in her bed....yadda, yadda. It was a little fight with her but of course, a big for me seeing as I was already emotionally frustrated with everything. Then, E comes out and says her stomach is upset and in a lot of pain on top of a sore throat she complained about from two days before. and all I could do is laugh (not at her) and say "Of course you do". Not trying to sound like a horrible mom! And P got both girls back into their beds and while he was gone I just started bawling. I don't ask for help enough and when I do, I feel like P is the only one that knows what I really need. I feel like he has enough pressure with his own things and I'm just not helping when I'm emotionally "unstable". It doesn't happen often at the moment and part of me actually thinks pregnancy is helping, seeing as I haven't been on my meds and I've been expecting worse lately.

I hate saying this out loud and when I say it I cringe but I can't handle when P is away for work. One night or four nights. I hate saying it because I know families (more so here) that have spouses who are away months at a time and they only see them 1-2 weeks and they're gone again. And I'm here complaining about 1-4 nights that he's gone within a 3-hour drive away. I hate it. I feel like I'm not in control of anything these days. I know it doesn't help that I don't drive but even if I did drive, P takes the car 3-hours away with him. I can't just bring him to work and take the car for the day. I KNOW that is the biggest problem in my life. I feel stuck because I don't have that freedom to just go out when I want to and if I do, I have to walk everywhere. I get it. I also hear it from everyone else which doesn't help the situation either.

I hate the unknown. I think that's the biggest issue I have. Not knowing a schedule, not knowing when or when not to plan things. I don't like it. I'm sure P doesn't like it either because he's the one having to do it all but I hate not being able to plan anything because all of a sudden he has to work all weekend and then randomly has to do overnights for three days.

I started babysitting for the summer (thank goodness) because even though there's another almost 5-year old in the house, they keep themselves busy most of the time and I fill in the other stuff by taking them for walks, playing outside with them, and if it's a hot day we play in the sprinkler...etc. For rainy days I have some arts and crafts to keep them busy indoors for a little while too. If M isn't here (and even if she is here) the girls fight CONSTANTLY. I mean, literally, this has been the summer from hell when it comes to the girl's budding heads. I have never wanted school to come back as much as I want it to now. Another thing I hate saying because I really do enjoy the girls in the summer. We have fun and we have no routines that we HAVE to follow but MY GOODNESS!

When the girls start school, I will have about three or so months to myself during the day so I can just unwind and regroup. I need it and I'm looking forward to it. I'm also looking forward to seeing S' first year of school and seeing how much she grows. She really needs the change just as much as I do. She needs to make her own friends because E is always out with hers and she feels left out a lot. I have a few friends with kids her age but we don't see each other on a weekly basis or anything.

P says I need to ask for help more often, but really...who the heck can I ask for help to when he's not home half the time? My M.I.L has her own stuff going on and two kids she's juggling between camps and schedules so adding my two and me on top of everything all the time? It isn't fair for her. And I have friends here but I'm not going to get them to bring me places and bug them all the time for playdates because they have stuff going on too.

So I sit in my bubble and don't bug anyone. And occasionally I'll ask someone if they want to have a playdate because I miss their company and the girls want to see their kids as well.

P works outside allllll day, every day. So asking him to go places and hang out in the sun all summer when he is actually home is not something he wants to do either. I get it. But between me not seeing a different scenery all day, every day and him seeing something new ALL the time...it's been a tough adjustment since having our girls. More so after moving to Newfoundland seeing as I don't drive and everything is not close distance...except stores.

I know there are moms out there in the same position as me. You stay at home, you don't drive, you feel stuck. I can't even plan a playdate with someone unless I have them come to my house, take a cab to theirs or P tags a long. Sometimes he enjoys it when it's family and family, but a play date isn't something he enjoys sitting in (obviously) it's just us mom's talking and kids playing.

After everything builds up, all I need is some space, a hot shower without the kids interrupting, a walk, P taking the girls somewhere for an hour without me so I get to clear my head. I don't get that often. If with P having time off. He doesn't like just taking the girls out somewhere with him. But I need it. He says I need to ask for help more often but when I do he just doesn't get it. "Babe, can you take the girls to the store with you when you get milk and bread?" No, because it's easier to just go. Well, that's my way of asking for help. It may be a 10-minute trip but I NEED those 10 minutes kid-free sometimes.

Ugh, mommy frustration and stress. That's ALL it is. I just need to know P will be home at a certain time and not because I don't trust him (that couldn't be any further from the truth) I trust him 100% I just need certainty. And a wacky schedule is not for me.

{TS.A.H.M} Summer Babysitting Adventures

I started babysitting a friend's daughter for the summer. I recently worked with her and she was looking for someone to take her while she's working. She's an absolute joy and we love having her. This is a little walk we took and I'm thinking of taking them on another adventure today after lunch.

{TS.A.H.M.} 16 wks, 6 days | Ultrasound Check-up.

16 wks, 6 days

I can't believe I'm already almost half way! Peanut is looking good and healthy (which we always love hearing). I didn't hear much about my cervix today because they usually leave that to the doctors. But she seemed pretty happy with the way things were. Once we hear from the doctor to confirm, then we'll be a little more at ease...or I will. :p

The tech asked if I had my 19-week appointment booked yet and I told her, "well, kind of. They booked me for September 12th instead of August. I'll be about 23-24 weeks. She said, "Were your dates off?" I said, "No." And she said that it was weird and that she was going to try and switch my appointment and get me in earlier. She said if I get a notice in the mail, that'll be why.

So, that's exciting! We're going to have a Gender Reveal the weekend after we find out. And we're going to live-stream for those who can't be there with us. We're making the most of this Gender Reveal because it's out last. If they say, BOY, I'm honestly going to cry my face off! I will freak out completely! haha

That being said, I may have an update around 19 weeks, if not, it'll most likely be September 17 for our Gender Reveal.


Right now I'm feeling great! I'm exhausted and could still sleep my days away if I have the chance but I haven't been feeling sick and I am still able to eat when I want to. I still get lightheaded at times but it's nothing I can't handle at this point. I have random moments where I feel nauseous and I may vomit a bit but other than that, I haven't been sick since I was about 8-9 weeks.

Cravings, I wrote about in my last post so that hasn't changed. Salty to sweet...and every once in awhile peanut butter. I've been kind of content just munching most days. If there's fruit or veggies sitting around I'll grab them. Not really into eating huge meals and I find if we do have a huge supper, I always overdo it and I feel gross after. I'm usually happier having a sandwich or nibbling for any meal.

{TS.A.H.M.} Two Pregnancy Updates

I haven't been able to update because my computer died a little while ago. And updating my blog from my phone was pretty difficult at times.

13 wks, 6 days

(a little T.M.I.) Had a few issues with bleeding and weird discharge that I was concerned about. They're sending me for another ultrasound to make sure everything is fine but after being checked the doctor didn't see anything too urgent. The ultrasound is just to make it set in stone, really. Plus, who am I to complain? I get to see Peanut again!

16 wks, 1 day (Photo Credit: E)

I've been feeling a bit crampy lately but overall, I feel great! I'm eating normally (and craving a whole bunch!) Completely different from my pregnancy with S. I craved quite a bit with E and I knew exactly what my cravings were. With S I can't pin point what my cravings were. I really think I didn't have any with her. MAYBE bread + cereal? Other than that, I really didn't know. I wasn't overly hungry with her, nor did I crave anything too crazy. With this one, Snickers Bars are a big one, I actually had a bad craving for PEANUT butter (which I haven't had since I was pregnant with E and I've been going back and forth from salty to sweet!

I can stomach coffee now for the most part but there are definitely days I really can't even have one. It sucks because that's the only thing keeping me from being a "MOMBIE" half the time! haha

I've been keeping busy with the girls most days I have the energy to. However, there are definitely days I'm on the couch lounging most of the day because I'm just exhausted. I find I'm more tired with Peanut than I was with the girls. I mean, I know it's partly because I'm running around with two kids, but I just feel drained even if I'm not doing anything.

P's been getting mad if I lift anything. Due to my history, we're always cautious about having the little ones stay in. I don't blame him but the laundry still needs to get done, the cleaning still needs to get done...etc. And he works 14 hour days most of the time so he's not home to help much right now. And even if he is, he can only do so much. Plus, he'll randomly get an overnight or he'll have to stay 4 nights. And then I really don't have any help. I try to keep myself busy and get things done around the house every week but I know that I can't work as hard as I was before Peanut. 

On Monday, I'm scheduled for my other ultrasound, I'll be 16 wks, 6 days. I'm sure all is well with Peanut and hopefully, s(he) will let us get another picture of them. lol

That is all for now! I'll keep you posted on Monday.


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